I never imagined myself as a mistress. About a year ago, I found myself divorced, with a wage decrease and a rent increase all in the same month. I no longer had enough money to pay my rent and keep food on the table. Thankfully, I was just one mouth to feed, but I did have to come up with another way to get cash, and fast.
A friend told me about SeekingArrangment.com. She met a man from the site that would come into her town frequently on business; they would meet at his hotel for drinks, conversation, and have sex. He would pay her generously for her time and out the door she went: no strings, no ties. She said she enjoyed herself and because of this, she didn’t feel like an escort.
I wondered if I could do such a thing. One day, my curiosity (and outstanding PG&E bill) got the better of me and I posted my profile to the site. Within a few days, I had several coffee dates set up to make casual introductions and see if there might be a match.
All of the men I met were married and wanted to stay married. They said they loved their wives. Most said they were happy, but the sex at home had diminished—and that they were men, after all, and needed their desires fulfilled. Aside from that eye-rollingly common excuse for infidelity, I believed they were telling the truth about loving their wives. This troubled me, of course, but it also made it easier. No one was interested in having an emotional affair and leaving their marriage. It was about sex for them and money for me.
I made an arrangement with Eddie*. He was in his mid-50s, decent looking, and somewhat of a successful businessman. He was married with a few children and one on the way. He was an experienced sugar daddy: He had a separate phone for our communications and he paid me in cash. We would meet every other week, around lunchtime, in a hotel that was close to his work. We would smoke some weed, which helped calm my nerves, and have sex. It was easy, quick, and enjoyable. The money wasn’t bad either—he paid my rent.
This went on for several months. Then, I began dating Paul*. I couldn’t afford to not have Eddie in my life, and told myself that if things got serious with Paul, I would cut it off.
Shortly thereafter, I contracted an STD—I’m not sure which of them gave it to me. I told both Eddie and Paul about it immediately. Unfortunately, this did not stop Eddie from giving the STD to his wife. This discovery was devastating on levels I cannot fathom or imagine. Eddie’s wife concluded he was cheating and it all came crashing down only weeks after bearing their newborn child. We stopped seeing each other immediately.
I wanted to share my story because these arrangements are happening more often than you think. Although they seem symbiotic, these arrangements can have real and dire consequences for not only the parties involved, but for the families that were not a part of the arrangement to begin with.
*Names have been changed.
PHOTO: UNSPLASH / ABIGAIL KEENAN