I want the type of relationship where the person looks at me with a lot of certainties. Not because they are sure they want me but because I make them feel sure and confident in themselves.
I want to walk into a room holding their hand proudly and they know how happy I am to have them next to me.
I want to show them through constant affection that I’m about them and into this.
I want them to trust me. And I know that’s something that will take time. I know that’s something that will take time. And honestly I’m patient and I’ll work with it. I want to know their deepest secrets. I want to know the things that keep them up at night. I want to know their goals and ambitions and I want them to know I believe in them. And maybe if I’m lucky I’ll be standing by their side watching their dreams become a reality.
I want them to not worry when I go out alone with my girlfriends. I want them to be so sure of me they don’t even have to check in. I want them to know with certainty I shut down the person who hit on me because no one else matters but the one I’m coming home to.
I want them to know they don’t have to worry about who is blowing up my phone or newsfeed because the only person that matters is them.
I want them to know that if an ex suddenly comes back into the picture not to be worried. Because I am a firm believer in things ending for a reason. My past doesn’t compare to the present.
I want them to know that when I’m hanging out with my guy friends they don’t have to think twice about it because chances are I’m probably raving about them as I throw back another beer.
I want them to talk about the future with certainty because they want me a part of it and I hope they smile when I bring up the next season in the year and mention something we should do because I see the future too.
I want them to know I’d choose them a hundred times again because I feel so lucky to have them. I want them to feel everything I feel deeply and not in a way that overwhelms them but a way that they know I’m someone they can count on.
Someone who will be there when they need them. The arms to hold them when they are weak. The one celebrating when they succeed. The company during moments of confusion. Someone who feel their pain too.
If I do anything right in my life it’s to be the type of person who enters a relationship when I’m ready and I can be the best version of myself that someone deserves.
That’s all I really want to be for someone else. I know what it’s like to be with people who are unsure of you and I want to make someone feel that way.
Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.
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