“A reporter asked the couple, “How did you manage to stay together for 65 years?” The woman replied, “We were born in a time when if something was broken we would fix it, not throw it away.”
1. Treat them the way you did at the start if you don’t want to see it end.
When you first start dating someone you are trying really hard to impress them and win them over. If you treat them the same way throughout the whole relationship, it won’t fade out or get boring.
2. Don’t take them for granted.
When someone becomes a part of your routine it’s easy to forget what it was like before they came into the picture. You get comfortable. You get used to things. When you get too used to having someone you stop appreciating what you have.
3. Do learn to compromise when needs be.
Learn to just say yes without anything following it. You’ll avoid silly fights.
4. Don’t allow jealousy or insecurities to overcome you.
Yes, people are going to hit on them, exes might return and blow up their phone. You aren’t the only one who finds them attractive. But when jealousy arises what you are really telling your partner is I’m not confident enough in myself to keep you.
5. Do learn to pick your battles wisely.
There are going to be some things worth fighting for. The things you really care about and believe in but the smartest people know when to fight and know when to just agree to something even when they don’t.
6. Don’t ever stop surprising them.
Never stop trying to keep things exciting and keep that flame lit. It all comes down to the little things you do for someone.
7. Do have realistic expectations of them.
Think about the things you ask them? Is it realistic or some fantasy you have about what you want the relationship to be. Reverse the roles and think if they were demanding as much from me could I handle it or could I do that? More than that, are you already doing that?
8. Don’t let feelings and emotions build up.
When you let negative feelings build up what happens is it’ll all come out at once at the completely wrong time. Take heavy and negative emotions as they come and deal with them right then and there.
9. Do allow yourself to be vulnerable.
The only way to emotionally connect with someone fully is to let them into every part of who you are. The healthiest relationships are with people who understand vulnerability is not a weakness.
10. Don’t put it all on them if you’re unhappy with something they’re doing.
If they aren’t doing something you’d like them to, ask yourself am I doing what I need to on my end to push them to want to do that. If you want them to be more spontaneous are you adding security to the relationship that they can. If you want them to be put a little more effort into the physical aspects of your relationships are you building their confidence up and making them feel like the most attractive person that they can confidently do something different. It’s never just one person that’s to blame for parts of relationships that aren’t where you might want them to be.
11. Do give each other space when you need it.
Let them have their Saturday is for the boys day without checking on them. Let her go out as late as she wants to on a Friday with her girlfriends. As much time as you spend together it’s important to have a life apart.
12. Don’t rely on them for your happiness.
Your happiness has everything to do with you, you can’t put that on them.
13. Do help them to achieve their goals.
Support them. Encourage them. Push them to get to where THEY want. The best way to achieve anything is having at least one person know you can.
14. Don’t try and change them.
Maybe there are things they can improve on that would make you happy. But don’t try and turn them into someone they aren’t because you are unhappy with yourself. If you are trying to change them you don’t deserve them.
15. Do help them to feel secure.
They should be as confident in themselves as they are you and it’s your job to make them feel safe.
16. Don’t hide things from them.
Be honest with them even if that honesty might hurt. The truth always has a way of coming out and when it does, if you tried to hide it, it hurts the person even more.
17. Don’t put them down.
Build them up in every way you can. Your relationship together is supposed to be the healthiest relationship you each have.
18. Don’t let yourself go just because you have them.
Still, go to the gym. Still, eat healthy. Still, take care of yourself. Getting them wasn’t the hard part keeping them will be. And you have to take care of yourself, not for them but because you deserve to be your best self-standing next to them.
19. Do build relationships with their family.
It’s important to have relationships with their family. Even the ones you don’t like. And don’t ever make them choose between you and them.
20. Don’t hold your past against them.
Someone treating you badly in the past isn’t their fault. Your trust issues have nothing to do with them. Open up to them about it so they understand but DO NOT lose your shit on them because you have things in your past that has left you insecure.
21. Do meet them halfway.
It’s a 50/50 thing. If you are letting them do more than what you are willing to give, you don’t deserve them. And if you’re busting your ass to keep this relationship alive it’s going to fail because the right person will respect you and meet you right there.
22. When fighting we wary of the ammo you use.
If they told you something in confidence do not use it in a fight or you’ll regret it. No matter how angry you might be remember you do care about this person and that anger will fade but the things you say while angry can only be forgiven not forgotten.
23. Do build them up.
When it’s the right relationship you’re going to see them become twice the person they already are simply because of your positive influence.
24. Don’t forget big dates.
When your anniversary is coming up and she says I don’t care what we do, she cares what you do and she wants you to surprise her. Anniversaries. Birthdays. To women it’s big deal even when they say it isn’t.
25. Do pretend to be a little bit interested in the things they care about.
Even if you hate the thing they care about remember you care about them so put on your best smile and go along with whatever makes them happy. You never know, maybe this new thing you’ve never tried you’ll like.
26. Don’t belittle their dreams.
Everyone else in the world will doubt them enough they don’t need that from you. What they need from you is to be in their corner and be their cheerleader even if you’re the only one cheering.
27. Do forgive them and help them to learn.
No one is perfect. They are going to piss you off and make you angry and there will be moments you wonder why am I with this person who drives me crazy? But when they mess up and they come around apologizing. Help them to learn and move forward from it.
28. Don’t be sneaky and look for something.
Don’t look through their phone or computer. You are going to find something you don’t like. Even the best relationships have things you are going to question if you find it. And you will find it. And it won’t make you happy. The fundamental building block for every relationship is trust. You have to trust that even when you are not there, they are respecting you.
29. Do tell them you love them every day.
Don’t let a day go by without saying those three words.
30. Don’t break their heart.
When you have something and someone good, don’t go looking for something better. Learn to appreciate what you have. Learn that the best relationships are the ones you don’t give up on each other.
We are in a generation where it’s easy to walk away and just give up. Don’t do that. Be that story that says we made it all the way and that’s because we never gave up on each other or walked away from the love we found.
Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave, a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words.
Source: Thought Catalog
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