Is your guy feeling it? How to use powerful questioning to capture his heart forever.
I’ve been blessed with a relationship that is open, trusting, and intimate. It’s not always perfect, and we’re both learning.
But one of the best things is the safe place my partner and I create to be unfiltered and to grow as individuals. We can be our true selves, vulnerable and strong.
Would you like to put your relationship on a definite path to bliss but you’re not sure where to start?
If you want to learn how to make a man feel loved, it’s simpler than you think. It begins and ends with learning how a man defines feeling loved.
Ask a man, and he’ll tell you that underneath it all, he wants to feel respected, appreciated, acknowledged, trusted, supported, and understood.
“I want her to know and love me as I am,” says Chad.
Mike says, “She a great listener. She respects my interests, my opinions, and my need for space from time to time. She’s the one.”
“When she gets me, it’s the best feeling in the world,” says Lee. “That’s when I know she really loves me.”
Falling in love is the easy part. Building an everlasting bond takes effort and nurturing, though, it doesn’t have to be hard.
If you’re attempting to repair your relationship or you simply want to be the best partner you can be, there is one fantastic tool you can use: asking compelling questions. And it can be a game changer.
The more you ask, the more profoundly you love.
One of my clients told me that asking her husband more questions did something unexpected: it changed her. As she started to be truly present with him and sought to understand him better, she developed greater knowledge of and compassion for herself.
So, what makes questioning work so well in creating intimacy with a significant other?
When you ask questions, you use a sharing mentality, and you create an emotional connection. This practice helps to move your relationship beyond the superficial.
Open-ended inquiries work best to encourage him to dig deeper. And when you ask “what” and “how” questions you especially invite honesty and openness.
There is one notable exception: “What are you thinking?” Ask this, and you’ll be sure to get a blank stare; guys universally loathe this question. If they had something to say, they would probably tell you.
Another thing to avoid is “why” questions. These challenge motives and imply judgment — and your guy will probably stop talking if he gets one of those.
When and where you ask your man questions is critical too. Context matters.
Sometimes it’s a balancing act, knowing when to give space to a man and when to move in and explore. However, if you create an environment that’s relaxed and you approach questioning with curiosity and sincerity, you’ll do well. So, take a walk in nature or shut off the television, put the kids to bed, and open a bottle of wine!
You might start by getting him to talk about one of his passions. Or, get vulnerable first by sharing something that’s on your mind. Right after sex works great also when you’ve already been intimate, and you’re freely giving to one another.
Open the door and see if he wants to step into it.
Then, accept and appreciate his response. Brace yourself, ladies! You might not get the answers you want or expect. The whole point is finding out his truth.
1. “How was your day?”
In the craziness of life, it’s easy to get lost in our own stuff and overlook how our partner is doing.
When he gets home from work — after he settles in, ask him about his day. Listen for his accomplishments and praise them. Tell him you’re proud of him, cheer him on, or talk through a problem that came up.
The Message: I care about your day. I want to hear about what matters to you about it. Know that I am here at the end of it all to be your champion. You’re my everyday hero.
2. “What can I do to make your day great?”
Make every day extraordinary, not just Valentine’s Day!
Often, it is the small things you can do for your significant other that can make a difference. It could be 30 minutes of alone time, an errand, a drink, something delicious to eat, a massage, or some other pleasurable activity.
Keep out a love coupon book to remind yourself of this question.
The Message: Let me take care of you as you take care of me. You are special to me.
3. “What’s going on for you?”
When you sense unusual quietness or frustration from your guy, stop. Pay attention. Seek to know what he is experiencing in that moment, without judgment. When he responds, say, “Tell me more.”
Convey that you know he’s got it under control. Still, you are there for him.
The Message: I notice, and I am listening. What you’re feeling and thinking is important to me, and I care enough to inquire.
4. “How can I better support you in your life?”
Do you stand by your man and his activities? He wants a woman who will encourage his start-up business, hobbies, guys night out, or going to the gym.
Maybe he’ll tell you that you’ve been nagging him about being out every Monday or undermining his confidence. He might ask you to take on more at home temporarily to alleviate his stress.
All in all, he’s more likely to be a success when he feels taken seriously and that you’re on his team.
The Message: What you do interests me. I respect you for who you are and I support your pursuits, even if they are not my thing. I have your back.
5. “How can I love you best?”
Once you’ve mastered the previous questions, ask him this one and let him define for himself how he wants to be loved. Nobody knows better than your man how you can love him most.
Asking this question cultivates trust, deepens your connection, and empowers him. The bottom line is, you won’t know until you ask.
The Message: I see you as a unique person, with your own needs, and I honor them. I couldn’t love you any more than I do right now.
I leave you with this challenge: start posing these simple yet meaningful questions and watch how they strengthen your bond and redefine your relationship.
Then, listen for more opportunities for powerful questioning and grab hold of them. Your partner will receive your heartfelt messages, and you’ll be well on your way to making him feel eternally loved.
Of course, these questions work for any relationship. Men, women, and children alike want to be heard, understood, and loved.
Lisa Petsinis is a life coach. Visit her website or contact her for a complimentary call and enrich your relationships with better communication today.
Originally posted at Your Tango.