Don’t Hurt Her Because Your Ex Hurt You

By Holly Riordan

If you are heartbroken over getting cheated on or dumped during your last relationship, then you should not rush into a new relationship. Stay single for a while. Put the flirting on hold. Resist rebounding. Spend some well-needed time on your own so you can grow into someone whole, someone ready to love again.

Don’t heal your own heart by stealing another. Don’t create a chain reaction of wrongs.

Do not excuse your shitty behavior by saying you are screwed up from what your ex put you through. If you are in a bad state of mind, if you are not ready for a relationship right now, then stop leading others on. Stop swiping their hearts. Stop making them think there is a chance you will commit.

If you know you are not in the right place for a relationship right now, if you know you are only going to hurt a girl who would never do the same to you, then back off. Give her space. Give her the opportunity to find someone who will treat her right.

Once you deal with your demons, once you find a way to manage your baggage, you can see if she still wants to date you — but until then don’t you dare hurt her because your ex hurt you. She does not deserve to pay for what someone else put you through.

She is not the reason for your trust issues, so you should not punish her by asking her to delete male friends from her phone, demanding she wear clothes that cover her cleavage, accusing her of cheating without any evidence.

She did nothing to hurt you. She did nothing to earn your manipulative, controlling treatment.

Even though you have an excuse to be skeptical, even though it makes sense for you to be a commitment-phobe based on your past, you do not have the right to break someone into as many pieces as you.

You cannot take your anger out on someone new, someone who would do anything for you, someone who wants to fix what your ex has shattered.

Even though it’s tempting to get over your last relationship with someone with a soft heart, if you are unable to love her right, walk away from her. Leaving will hurt her less than staying and slowly corrupting her. Leaving will hurt her less than dealing with your baggage.

You cannot punish her for what your ex did to you. You cannot treat her as a punching bag. You cannot blame her for everything that has gone wrong in your world. 

She is the one who is still here. She is the one you should value above all else. If you cannot do that, if you cannot give her the respect and admiration she has earned, then you should not associate with her at all.

If you are still healing from your last relationship, avoid getting into a new relationship. Avoid hurting someone else the way your ex hurt you

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