Ahhh the chase…
We’ve been taught that a man has a primal instinct to chase a woman. That he thrives on the challenge of trying to win her over. That it boosts his manhood and ego when he chases a woman and captures her heart.
But chasing is different than courting and different than pursuing. “The chase” is a game. It is viewed as being all in and should be left for the things that fulfill you. You chase your dreams, you chase a work promotion, you chase the parts of life that will feed your soul. You don’t chase a person, you pursue them.
Here’s some truth: If a woman wants you, you will know. If a woman wants you, you won’t have to chase her. A woman wants to be pursued, she wants to be courted. What she doesn’t want is to feel like your efforts are that of a game, treating her as an object to attain just to say you did.
This doesn’t mean a relationship is guaranteed. It doesn’t mean you can merely tell a woman who’s interested that you like her, and all of a sudden, she’s yours. Relationships have a foundation of trust, and that doesn’t come easily. You’ll have to make your intentions known, put in the effort, put your best foot forward, and pursue her. But you won’t have to chase her, pine after her, and convince her to be with you.
If a woman wants you, she won’t play games. She won’t manipulate you to try to get something she wants. She’ll be straightforward and honest with you. This is because she lives by the standards that she’s created, has enough self-respect to not settle, knows what she wants, and believes there’s no reason to dance around it.
She’ll respect that you have your own life, interests, and hobbies, and won’t try to infringe or take you away from them. Because she too has her own life and things that make her happy.
If a woman wants you, she won’t play hard to get…but she won’t be too easy either. She won’t play by bullshit societal dating rules of waiting for you to call, or never sending two texts in a row. If she wants you, you’ll know where you stand. If she’s thinking of you, she’ll call, and if she wants to hang out, she’ll ask. If she wants to kiss you first, she will. Her intentions will show through her actions, and she won’t be afraid to express her feelings or show you she cares. But she also wants these things from you, and she expects that you’ll make an effort.
Believe it or not, a man likes knowing where he stands with a woman. He feels good when he knows that she’s interested. He doesn’t want to decipher her texts or overanalyze her actions with his buddies. And as much as he may like pursuing her in the sense of courting, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to constantly chase after her.
Know what a man doesn’t like? Manipulation. Games. Feeling used or played. Doing things for women who have no intention of being with him. He appreciates honesty and effort, the same way a woman does.
You should know that a strong woman who is truly happy with the life she has created for herself doesn’t need you to fulfill or complete her.
Having you by her side may enhance her life in a way she didn’t know was possible, but not having you there won’t destroy it. If you want to be with her, you’ll have to show her how you can make her even happier.
The beauty of humanity is that we never stop evolving. The downside is that over the years, dating expectations have also evolved, and honestly, I’m not sure they’re in a very good place. What happened to the old-fashioned notion that it should be quite simple if two people like one another? The simplicity of elementary notes asking “do you like me, check yes or no,” is long gone. We’ve made things so complex that modern dating just messes with our heads. Unsure if we should call first because we don’t want to seem needy, refusing to use labels, overthinking text messages, and always trying to play it cool? What have we come to?
What we need to do is forget the convoluted societal expectations and understand that it all comes down to the basic concepts of interest, pursuit, and effort.
When someone wants you, man or woman, they will show interest. They will pursue you.
They will put in effort to make their intentions known. They will chase their dreams and the things that matter in order to have a full life. They will be secure in knowing that if you do not want to be with them, their life will not be any less full.
So go forth in love, look beyond the levels of created complexity and grasp the notion that when someone truly wants you, you will always know.
This post first appeared at Thought Catalog
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