What is it like to have an arranged marriage? My story

In 2014, I was a very happy person. Out of university, high performer, my research efforts led to the set up several industry standards for huge corporations, during my education. I was in my thirties. obviously pretty late for Indian wedding scenario. I had to relocate to India for my “so-called” high profile job.

It was an arranged marriage in 2015, I had two break ups in the past. All was fine until the honeymoon period. Almost within a week my wife would block communications with me. Any discussion would end up in she taking a massive offence. I thought it was normal, but soon cracks started to appear.

She doesnt have a father, so I took it up as a responsibility to spend most of my savings into the wedding. My parents also were supportive of this and spent a fair share into it. They asked my wife not to spend her savings on the wedding. Instead, my mother gave away her gold to her.

My parents and I had made it clear to her and her mother that I would be moving to another country in a couple of months after the wedding. She had agreed to it, but after honeymoon it became a bone of contention. She would repent for hours, how big a deal it was for her to move with me to another country. I would spend a lot of time trying to explain to her that it means a lot of good things for her career and mine as well. I explained her, how she could support her mother. I explained her how she could save money to provide for her mother in the times of need, from the job at a foreign country. I told her, we need to start working towards common goals, which boils down to financial stability of our respective families.

In the following two months from that explanation, she started playing victim game. Would blame me for everything; She would complain to her mother and in turn, her mother would call me and try to counsel me. I explained her my predicament and asked my MIL to help me out in whatever way possible. My MIL called me my parents and complained about the situation and expressed her dissatisfaction. As a result I get reverse accused by my wife for involving parents into “our” affairs. Funnily, this feeling of “we” didnt make sense to her earlier.

Soon, my wife started accusing me of having an affair over social media with a bunch of women. As a result I started losing feelings for her, I felt extremely ashamed of myself. I was in a strange state of mind, to this day I donot know to whom to speak about this to.

Getting back to the timeline of the events, in Aug 2015 I had to drop my plan to join my new job in the foreign location. The chance showed up again in 2016, but she created a huge ruckus. This time she complained to my father. Told him how terrible I was in treating her. How I was simply not talking to her ( nothing could be farther from the truth). She had a debt of 100000 Rupees, the person who lent her the money was sending threatening messages. I had to intervene and I decided to put an end to the episode by paying 100000 out of my pockets. This was not known to my parents at that time, I told them later on. When she was complaining, she didnt explain this to my parents. All she did was, blame me for her state of mind. So, I had to apologize to her for several weeks, in the presence of my parents, her mother and her female cousins. I had decided to drink up my pride and get myself humiliated to satisfy her ego. My feelings are dead as the frozen water of the lake of vladivostok.

Since the beginning, the sex between her was not great. She would respond positively for the first minute and then push me off with her hands. Upon speaking about it, she said she is not comfortable. Tried various methods to make it easy for her. Soon, I got clear indications that she is not interested in it. Actually, I am a gym and fitness enthusiast. I am well endowed, perhaps that made her uncomfortable, sometimes being big in certain departments is a curse. I took this as a message “ No means, NO!”. I didnt want to end up being a marital rapist. My left and right hands were always pretty good, since 1996, when I discovered it! 😛

She had made it clear, she doesnt want children several times. I was glad that, there was “no penile sex” in the equation, there is less danger of a child!! I had to tell this to my parents in graphic details that there was nothing going in, so nothing is going to come out. LMAO!

In Nov 2016, I finally left India and joined the job at the foreign location. Thanks to this job and the generous employer that waited for me. Back in 2016, I decided I will bask in the glory of my achievements. My parents know I am going to be on tenterhooks for the rest of my life. I love my scientific career and parents too much, I can’t mess it up just because a stupid law in India can be misused by the women.

I have deactivated my profiles from all social medias. I am living life off the grid in a way. I still feel ashamed of my dead feelings.

2017, my wife told me she is not comfy with the foreign country, so she would want us to return to India. I told her, I am not moving back to India ever! So, the new battle is still raging as am writing this answer on quora. I am closing things one by one, so that she doesnt blame me for anything in the court ever. Its better to stay in this marriage and live separately.

The silver lining: I have made a lot of money for my employer with my devices. I have managed not to get into jail. I prevented my innocent parents from ending up in jail. Actually, there was no threat of jail from her, but I had to make sure to avoid such a situation in the first place. My invaluable parents and my billion dollar career is too important. All my childhood I saw my dad as my only hero, he is old now. My mother is her perfect mate, she has lost too much weight now. I remember the times in this marriage, when I had to sleep between them and make them rest their heads on my chest to calm them down. My mother’s warm tears touching me, too difficult to forget or forgive.
Conclusion: Marriage in the modern times is a lie fed to us since childhood.
Godspeed brothers!

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