Many of us live in fear of bumping into our ex. Or we at least want a clad-iron assurance that, if we do, we look amazingly successful, wealthy and youthful.
Sadly, this seldom seems to be the case.
There’s sometimes no knowing when your ex might pop up again, but arguably one of the last places on earth you’d want them to re-manifest themselves is at work. As your new boss, Mirror UK reports
Everyone’s collective nightmare became one man’s reality recently, and he’s seeking advice on what to do.
To make matters worse, he did the dumping via GHOSTING after being with his ex for three years…
“I have been an expat since graduating and have been moving a lot,” the unnamed man told Ask a Manager .
He explains how over ten years ago (when he was still “young”) he was in a relationship with a lady called Sylvia in a country where they both lived.
“Sylvia wanted to settle down but I was not ready to commit so young. We clearly had different expectations from the relationship.”
Not knowing how to draw the relationship to a close in an appropriate way, the man decided on this course of action.
“Well, I ghosted her. Over the Christmas break, while she was visiting her family, I simply moved out and left the country.
“I took advantage of the fact that I accepted a job in other country and did not tell her about it. I simply wanted to avoid being untangled in a break-up drama.
“Sylvia was rather emotional and became obsessed with the relationship, tracking me down, even causing various scenes with my parents and friends.”
Fast forward ten years, and Mr Ghost is a maths teacher in an international school and has enjoyed other relationships since Sylvia, meaning she’s become something of a distant memory.
“We are getting a new director. I read the bio of the new boss and Googled her and was shocked to discover it is Sylvia.
“We have not been in touch and do not have any mutual friends anymore. I am not a big fan of social media and had no idea what she had been up to since the unpleasant situation a long time ago.”
The man is extremely concerned, believing that reporting to his ex will be “embarrassing.”
“I am not in a position to find another job at present,” he adds.
“But more importantly, I am happy and settled here so do not want to move. To make the situation worse, the expat community here is very small and tightly knit so teachers also socialise a lot.
“I understand that this would not have happened if I did not ghost her back then, but I cannot do anything about it now.”
In response to the man’s self-inflicted dilemma, the agony aunt gives it to him straight.
“You were together for three years, and you lived together! And then you disappeared with no word?
“That’s some serious emotional destruction that you inflicted there. I’m not surprised that she contacted your family and friends; she was probably worried about whether you were alive or not!
“I don’t know that you can salvage this! It’s not reasonable to ask Sylvia to manage someone who she has this history with.
“You can try and see what her take on it is, but I’d be prepared to have to move on, whatever that might look like for you.
“Your best chances of an okay outcome are probably to contact Sylvia ahead of time to let her know you work there so that she’s not blindsided by it on her first day.”
The agony aunt recommends that he acknowledge his terrible mistake to Sylvia, apologise for the hurt and alarm he’s caused her, while being fully aware that his apology may sound “pretty hollow and self-interested ten years later.”
“But acknowledging your behaviour is better than not acknowledging it at all.”
Let this be a lesson to all ghosters and would-be ghosters
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