When I complain about mixed signals, I am really complaining about inconsistency. I am complaining about how I never know whether you are going to answer my texts in two minutes, two days, or two weeks. I never know whether you are going to follow through on your promises to see me over the weekend, whether you are going to reschedule with me, or whether you are going to come up with an excuse to bail at the last second.
Basically, I never know whether you are going to treat me like your first priority, like a backup plan, or like I am completely invisible.
I don’t want someone inconsistent, someone, who keeps me guessing, someone who makes me feel unsure about where I stand. I don’t want to be in a situation where I never have any idea what kind of mood you are going to be in or what kind of role you are going to play in my world on any particular day.
I want someone who I can trust, someone who I can rely on, someone who does not hop between emotions. I don’t want to mean everything to you one day and nothing to you the next. I want consistency.
I want someone who treats me the same whether they are lonely or surrounded by friends, whether it’s two in the morning or two in the afternoon, whether they are feeling tired or lonely or loved.
I should not have to wake up hoping today is one of the days when you actually pay attention to me, when you give me what I have been wanting. I should wake up knowing you are going to treat me right, because you always treat me right. Because your attitude about me never changes.
I am not interested in inconsistencies within the way you treat me — and I don’t want inconsistencies in your stories either. I don’t want to have to piece together the truth because you tell me different lies every time. I don’t want to play guessing games. I want you to be real with me.
I want someone who will show up every single time I need them. Someone who will text me first and plan romantic dates and have heart to hearts with me — but not just when it’s convenient for them. Even when it is inconvenient. Even when they have to go out of their way for me.
Inconsistency is unattractive. I don’t want to wonder whether you are actually going to show up when you promise you will be there. I don’t want to wait a half hour at a restaurant because you are late or wait three days for a text that only took you two minutes to type. I don’t want to wonder whether you actually care about me or whether you are only pretending to like me to get something from me.
I am not asking for anything crazy. I only want someone consistent. Someone who never stops treating me the way I deserve.
Holly is the author of Severe(d): A Creepy Poetry Collection.
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