Trust is an inside job.

By Maggie Rowe

South Africa, Cape Town, Rear view of young couple sitting at beach

“I’ll never trust him again. It’s over!”
“I’ve been hurt one to many times, you have to earn my trust back from now on!”
“How could you steal from me, I’ve given you everything?”

Trust, a deep-rooted, powerful feeling and if broken, is often times never restored. And if trust is restored, is the relationship ever the same?

The word TRUST has so much POWER. We give it so much meaning…

What if we created new meaning to the word trust?

According to Dictionary.com, Trust is defined as: “reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence. Something committed or entrusted to one’s care for use or safekeeping.”

I’m going to push the envelope a little here and tell you if you are trusting someone else with your feelings for “safekeeping” you will mostly likely be disappointed (at some point).

If you are putting trust into someone else by “entrusting them with your feelings” to have and to hold (hello marriage), you might be setting yourself up for disappointment and relationship failure.

I know this approach is unconventional so please take what you want and leave the rest. If this post opens your eyes to a new perspective, it serves its purpose.

There are ways to Empower Yourself by NOT giving your power to others, but by viewing trust as a personal choice.

1. Trust is a Self-Empowered Choice

Trust starts with me — ALWAYS!

If I choose to trust, then I can always find ways and reasons to trust.
If I choose not to trust, then I keep my distance.

Trust is my choice not theirs. It is not earned. Self-empowerment all the way!

Let’s assume a relationship has been damaged and trust was broken.

I can’t control others or their actions so requiring that they “earn my trust back” is what I call, “giving my power away.”

I’ll take risks on them if I choose, but it always comes back to me in the end.

We as a society are very ‘quick to dismiss’ when trust is broken. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t stay in a relationship, but we are quick to judge and walk away.

Perhaps, digging a little deeper within ourselves and finding out what’s causing your ‘trust trigger’ could make all the difference.

If I want to open myself up to vulnerability (which leads to more joy, love and connection according to Brene Brown in “Daring Greatly”) and trust, then that’s MY choice.

Don’t put the power in the hands of someone else by having them “earn” it back. Take that feeling of trust and make the choice to feel it or not.

Take your power back baby!

2. If-This-Then-That-Syndrome

If you “behave” then I’ll trust you. I don’t give people ‘opportunities to behave a certain way,’ so they can earn my trust.

It’s like saying, “If I lose weight, then I’ll be happy.”

Actually, it’s the other way around, FEEL happy, whole and healthy, THEN the weight will come off.

Be trustworthy, have integrity, show stability and FEEL confident in your own life, then the TRUST within is EARNED.

When you put trust into someone else’s behavior, it is a recipe for disaster if you ask me.

It’s a constant, never-ending battle that can never be won.

At what point do they actually cross the finish line?
At what point do they actually “earn” your trust?

It’s a running scorecard and rarely ever works.

It may work temporarily, but time and time again you will find yourself surrounded by untrustworthy people and in the same cycle of untrustworthy relationships.

This applies to personal and business relationships.

No more, ‘if-this-then-that syndrome.’ It kills relationships and puts “conditions” on love.

Love is unconditional. Love is limitless and has no fear.

Stop putting trust “out there” and start building unshakeable trust within yourself!

When you trust yourself with rock-solid confidence and consistency, you’ll make better business and life choices as a result.

How do I start building trust within myself you ask? Start with a deep, consistent mindset practice!

In fact, what are you doing right now? Get a piece of paper and a pen.

What can you do RIGHT NOW that will give you the feeling of trust? Write down all the ways you are trust-worthy.

The answer cannot be what someone else can or can’t do for you. The answer is something YOU can do for yourself that will build your trust muscle.

Dig deep and when you have the answer – DO THAT everyday!

3. I Choose How I Want to Feel

If I want to trust, I do.
If I don’t, I don’t.

It’s not about keeping score and having others “earn” their way back into your life.

If you’ve been hurt and trust has been broken, it may take time to heal. That’s ok.

I encourage you to explore the idea that it may be something deeper. It could be a root-cause of worthiness or shame (fear of disconnect) that keeps you from trusting again, not what the other person did or didn’t do to you.

When you blame others for your emotional well-being… that’s your ego screaming loud, proud and causing you to feel like a victim.

According to Brene Brown in Daring Greatly, she defines shame as the fear of disconnect. When you’ve been hurt and trust is broken, the fear of disconnect is haunting us over and over again.

Address the shame with vulnerability and empathy. Forgive yourself, allow the feelings to come and when you’re ready… RELEASE!

FEEL, FORGIVE and FORGET!

FEEL the feelings…
FORGIVE yourself and others…
FORGET and release..

I hear a lot of people say, “I forgive, but I never forget” which means they carry that emotional baggage with them for the rest of their life. UGH, so heavy!

Would you be willing to put the “emotional baggage” down? Consider the possibilities of release… Wouldn’t it be nice…

Wouldn’t it feel freeing to forget and simply release those feelings that are weighing you down? Do you feel tired? Frustrated? Disconnected?

Yes those things “happened” but is it really necessary to carry our past into our future?

Drop the grudge and proceed with love. Be present and get into the NOW! Choose to trust if that’s what your heart desires.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t—you’re right.” – Henry Ford

If you want to trust, you can.

If you don’t want to trust, that’s ok too. Give yourself time to heal. When and if the time is right to trust again, you’ll know what to do. TRUST YOURSELF!

Get present and make a soul-centered choice. You get to choose in every moment how you want to feel – Choose your thoughts and actions wisely!

Trust is an inside job.

How do I begin to build trust without blaming or complaining about someone else?
Ask yourself the following questions:

1) Are you becoming a better person when you surround yourself with him or her?
2) Do you feel they have your best interest at heart?
3) Are you willing to invest time and energy into the relationship?
4) Are you getting value from the relationship?
5) Am I showing trust and integrity in my own life?
6) What triggers are coming up when I think about trust?
7) Deep down, how much do I trust myself?
8) Do I need to set a personal boundary with someone I love?

Choose how you want to feel and start creating those feelings now.

4) Right vs. Wrong

When you look at others to “earn” their trust back with you, you are making them wrong, which means you must be right.

That’s what I call an EPT or Ego Power-Trip. The “I’m right, you’re wrong” mindset!

“You cheated on me.” (You’re Wrong)
“Now I don’t trust you and I want a divorce.” (I’m Right)

I see this all the time… It happens in every aspect of life, not just intimate, personal relationships.

It’s a constant “fight for the victim position.”

If we can get out the victim standpoint and take full responsibility for what we’ve created (good or bad), we have the potential to create a life full of relationships that we actually love.

When we can deliberately create relationships that light us up and make us better people, we become Manifesting Machines!

Instead of focusing on what the “other person is doing right/wrong” start thinking about what you actually CAN control in your life and that’s, YOU!

Hire a coach, surround yourself with the right people, take risks and for the love of all things holy — START TRUSTING YOURSELF.

I’m not preaching either… I’m always learning how to build trust within myself too. It takes time and practice.

Occasionally, I fall into the “victim” role too, but I’m much faster these days at recognizing those thoughts and getting myself back into high vibration.

I stopped trying to be “right” all the time. I’m not perfect, no one is…

I’m consciously opening up to vulnerability, saying I’m sorry and I continue serving from a place of love because that’s what I choose for my life. You have that choice too!

Please put the “I’m right” gavel down!

You can forget all the “I’m right, you’re wrong” talk (because you want to), get to the deeper issues and begin healing.

Take some responsibility for the emotional disconnect, forgive yourself (and the other party) and then choose how you are going to proceed with love.

Choose to trust if the relationship (business or personal) serves you. If not, that’s ok too.

Ultimately, you get to make the choice if you want to trust again no matter the situation or circumstance.

Ignore all those other thoughts and voices that tell you to “leave him/her, pull out of the deal, cut them off financially, and I’m not good enough.”

Listen to you Higher-Self, the Divine, God, the Universe… Listen to the voice of love and understanding. That’s where the meaning of life begins.

Any thought that brings you down and makes you feel like crap ISN’T serving you. Let those thoughts go! Create thoughts that empower you! You have that choice.

Honor the space that you are in. Choose which thoughts serve your highest and greatest good – you will know what to do from there. TRUST YOURSELF!

I BELIEVE IN YOU! Sending lots of LOVE — Thank you for BEing YOU.

Trust is a choice, it’s not earned!

Now, I have a question for you…

Do you still think trust is ‘earned’ or are you open to the possibility that it may be a self-empowered choice? Tell me in the comments below.

Please share on social if you feel someone needs to hear this new perspective on trust…

Maggie is a certified Law of Attraction Mindset Coach for Entrepreneurs. Go to http://www.maggiemorleyrowe.com/ for her FREE 7 Day Money Mindset Experience and to learn more about her #MindsetHacks for business and life.

Source: Huff Post

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Written by Marty Simms

Dad to my son w autism.
I o-pun up to a fun rhyme time given room or rumor
Positively reinforcing a clean sense of humor.
That true ear ring is my everything.

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3 Comments on "Trust is an inside job."

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The Sport guy
Member

If you are putting trust into someone else by “entrusting them with your feelings” to have and to hold (hello marriage), you might be setting yourself up for disappointment and relationship failure.

The Sport guy
Member

this is a good read

Werepsocial
Member

thank you Marty

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